Temptation

As I rock my baby to sleep tonight I am tempted...
Tempted to let him nurse even though I know he's not hungry.
Tempted to let him over eat because I know the nursing will knock him out.  I know that he's fussy because he's so tired but just doesn't want to sleep. 
My husband seems to have a magic technique because my son will lay on his chest and be asleep within minutes.  Me on the other hand he will want to nurse if I put him anywhere near my breast...so I am tempted to take the easy way out so I can get a little me time.

I had all these ideas lined up before I had the baby, no he would not nurse himself to sleep every night because I don't want him to associate eating with sleeping.  Or the "itis" as we call it...having a heavy meal and then thinking you must take a nap.  Yes, I know I sound a little crazy, I mean we are talking about a baby and he likes the comfort of the sucking action hough getting the milk is a nice payoff.  Still I just don't want to instill that in him..but I am so tempted.
I always said I wouldn't let him sleep in my bed or just pull out the breast to feed him and then fall back asleep all exposed...it always drove me crazy when my sister who was probably exhausted ( I realize that now) did that.  And so far I haven't done the leave out the breast thing but I do let him fall asleep in my bed after his early morning feeding many times.  I have been warned though not to make it a habit or he may never leave my bed.  Secretly that is fine with me...I love my little man so much but I am sure as time goes on I would prefer he slept in his crib/bed.

So I don't give in, I try to rock him to sleep and when he starts to get droosy I lay him in his bassinet and walk out the room and check back in 15 mins...and wouldn't you know that after a little bit of fussiness he is fast asleep and I feel like I have stuck to my principles...tonight at least.

September Child

Now I wouldn't consider myself a superstitious person by any means.  I don't believe in omens, horoscopes or lucky numbers...I believe everything happens for a reason and a purpose...I believe you get what you give and God can intervene if we ask him...that being said there are some odd things that happen that I am skeptical of like births and deaths happen in threes...now that hasn't been proven but it does seem to happen that way...

Anyway, my post is not about any of those things...it's about my September/October Baby.
I don't really want my son to born in October...not that I have anything against the month but it's never bode well for me...expect that my hubby and I had our first date in October and that hubby's mini-me's birthday is at the month end.  However, for me personally October has never been a good month, growing up I would be good all year but it would seem October was the one month I would get in the worst of trouble.  The one month I would do something where my mom would really step back and be like you can't be my child, my child wouldn't do that...  As I got older it would seem that months and days were all the same and I don't remember October being that bad but still there's something about that month. 

Although, I will say all the men I know born in that month are hands down great guys, very much laid back, fun to be around, but also stubborn in their own way... Again...nothing against the month...but if I had my preference my bean would pop by September 30 at 11:55 pm...

I maintain that I am not a believer in superstitious things but I do have preferences...in the end whenever my bean comes I will hug, love and squeeze him...(because after all he may just be my lucky charm)

TotSwap Review

So yesterday, my friend T and I went to a totswap...I have never been to one before didn't even know they existed but T found out about it and was like you should go and I will take you...Thanks T your the best!

It's basically a large consignment sale of all things baby ( they also do a home decor one so I may do that as well once I get a home).  Some of the things were items that should not be swapped like car seats but there were tons of clothes ( maternity and children's) ( oddly enough I have more than enough infant clothes so much so I think I may consign some of the clothes I have), toys, books, kids games and puzzles, carriers although I looked for a sleepy sling and didn't find one, and lots of other goodies.  I got a ton of items, mainly books and a cart cover...but I was just amazed at the amount of items... There's another one in a few weeks I plan on going back to or consign items at...I thought it was an amazing idea and a great way to make money...check it out if you live in the DMV area.

All that said the three reasons I was interested in going did not leave with me when I exited the building...isn't that how life works.  I really wanted a sleepy sling which they did not have but they had a ton of baby Bjorn's so I got the hubby one of those.  I went looking for a rocking chair, there was one there but not what I wanted, and lastly I was looking for more cloth diapering supplies and to my amazement there were none.  All that I saw diaper wise were disposables and a few training pants.  I know there is a website for cloth diaper swapping but it would be nice to see some of them before I buy them online.

Anyway, I got some great buys and I would recommend it as well as attend again...

Happy hunting!

And then there was one!

Here I sit all alone...
I am literally the only one left.
What am I talking about you may wonder...I am the only pregnant person left from the blogs I follow. You see when my journey started 9 months ago, I started looking up blogs and reading other pregnant women blogs and experiences. I know there are plenty of pregnant people left...but of the women I have been following since the beginning of my journey and of the ones I picked up on the way I am the only left with an inside baby. Mind you I was only following like 6 or 7 women and one I picked up in her final month...but last week there were still two of us and today I found out my other blog stranger mother had her baby on Sat...congrats to beanie...who probably never reads my blog...but I read hers...lots of comic relief.


So here I sit... all alone ...still with an inside baby...that loves to move around and gets hiccups every night, but still pregnant none the less...oddly enough as uncomfortable as I have become in this last month...I know I will miss the little guy being inside, but am so ready to deliver him.


Not to mention I want a September baby but I will explain more on that later...

Eviction Notice

Today, I realized sadly that it was time to say goodbye to my little guy.

My mom told me in the 7th or 8th month I would get tired of being pregnant and be like yep it's time to get this baby out. Oddly enough I haven't felt that way. I enjoy the time spent with my little guy on the inside...as he rolls and tumbles away. His little hiccups which have increased as of late. It's like my own little playmate. Of course the added perk of people bringing me presents and getting to eat first is nice as well...

However, today as I embark on 38 weeks...I must say I AM READY...

I am over the restless nights
The moodiness and what seems to the the uncontrollable urge to tell people off as of late.
I hate that I have to pee at least once an hour and if I hold it I can barely walk.
I miss seeing my feet and when I do see them I think oh my goodness those things look like ham hocks...absolutely crazy!
I am tired of sweating for no reason at all...
And I am tired that every hug comes with a belly rub and a question as to when will I be dropping my cute little bundle!
Mostly though I am ready for my outside baby, the one that will smile and smell so good and give me itty bitty kisses one day. I know he will also keep me up all night and knight me with his pee as my nephews have done but still...I am excited to start our life together as a family of four...

So I am sorry Jelly Bean but you are officially on notice...space is tight and sooner rather than later I will be pushing you out. All in the name of love of course.

Grateful Friday

So this has been a trying week.

Work has been hectic since I only have two weeks left of work my boss, who is a bit panicky is all over me about the things I do and making sure it's documented so someone can do them while I am gone. Also, there is a problem with our accounting ledger for the last two weeks and she is all this needs to get dealt with and comes in my office brainstorming about how to fix the problem. Only I have tons of other things on my plate, and I just find it irritating could be all the hormones or it could just be the work load.

Anyway, on top of all of this I found out Thursday that my Uncle passed away unexpected in a car accident...I was seriously upset all day Thursday but I didn't tell too many people because I am all about work/life separation. That probably didn't help the fact that people were getting on my nerves.

Anyway...so this Friday I am grateful for my family...they annoy me, make me laugh, make me angry, but most of all I love them...just the way they are with the craziness and all...I am sad that my Uncle is gone. And equally upset that I can't attend the funeral because I am 2 weeks from my due date...I considered chancing it and getting on a plane anyway but then nurse at the doctor office said she wouldn't recommend it and that I would have to probably lie to get on the plane. And a 6 hour flight leaves lots of opportunity for something to happen. Not to mention then one of my other uncles called to let me know he completely does not support the idea...so I didn't chance it but I am truly bummed that I am stuck here...my sister is at my mom's house and my mom is with her family, which is where she needs to be. Oddly enough last year in October my great uncle died and my sister was 8 months pregnant so I went to the funeral with my mom...funny how life replays itself.

Anyway, back to today...I am grateful for life, family, love and prayer.

Have a blessed weekend all.

Grateful Friday

The other day I had a mini breakdown with hubby because he wanted to use the car seat his niece and nephew used when they were babies and his mother was watching them. They claim that the car seat was hardly used but it was used...and I am trying to tell the hubby that you don't use hand my down car seats and he is trying to convince me that it was barely used. Of course after about 5 mins of this I get emotional...my baby deserves new stuff he doesn't get a nursery just as yet but he will get one just later in life...but a new car seat I can provide him and gosh danit I will...

What does this have to do with being grateful...

Well after my mini breakdown...I realized that I need to be more grateful I am not on the streets, I still have a job, I can afford a home I just need to look for one...and I am going to be a mommy...so I am grateful for family that help out in times of need..and I will remind myself it could be worse...Not that any of that means I won't be getting a new car seat for Jelly Bean because I will...he deserves a new safe and clean car seat.

So thank you GOD for family, friends and a husband who loves me...and even more so for the baby that keeps rolling around in my belly...

I know in the end it will all work out.

Let the touching begin

It usually goes something like this.

Random Person: Hey, how's it going...wow you are getting big...how many more months do you have until baby comes?
Me: 2 and a half
Random Person: oh wow...you still have time. What are you having do you know?
Me: Oh we are having a boy, which is what we wanted..
Random Person: Oh ( they start reaching there hand out) that's good! (and then before I can stop them or even realize what's happening they are rubbing my belly).

OR

The other famous one is:
Someone sees me and gives me a hug and then after the hug they rub my belly.


Beware all you preggers moms...apparently there are no personal boundaries when you are having a baby...first that baby makes itself at home and then strangers are touching you left and right...it's almost like an out of body experience...never has my body felt so much not my own.

I honestly don't remember touching other pregnant woman growing up...I thought America was big on personal space and that a 10 inch invisible wall sound every person on each side...yeah well not so much.

Most of the people who rub admittedly I am acquainted with but it's a even weirder when my male acquaintances do it...

I mean would people still rub my belly if I was in a pissed off mood...would they get the hint that on that given day they should revert back to personal space rules? I don't know...one can only hope.

I tried to tell hubby about it because well he is my sounding board and he was like well you shouldn't be surprised. To which he adds if that was me, no one would be touching me...great thanks for the support buddy!

Whale of a time

Lately I have been feeling a little anxious about my little one.
It could be the heat wave last week and the constant heat that is making me a little batty. Or my need to drown myself in water or it could be that my growing little bean is getting bigger by the day. Whatever the case, not being able to bend over, or get out of bed without hubby's help or rolling over is a bit mind boggling to say the least. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be so uncomfortable. I mean the best position is sitting up or in a reclined position.
Not to mention, as of late every time I look in the mirror I am reminded of just how pregnant and whale looking I am.

Just today someone stopped me at work and was like when is the baby due. And then they would look at my belly and look back at me sympathetically as if to say...wow...good luck.

I don't mean to moan, it does have it's awesome moments like when the bean is jumping off the walls of my belly as he is now. Or when I feel him moving around kind of like massaging my insides...Yesterday, I went to Old Navy and got him some pajamas because they were having a 50% off clearance items sale. One of the pajamas says Daddy is my hero...all the mommy ones were in pink so I knew the hubby wouldn't pay for those...those are the good moments...

But the waking up at 3:45 and not being able to go back to sleep until 5 am or even realize I have fallen back to sleep is starting just a tad bit too soon. And wouldn't you know it my bean is up and jumping at that time in the morning as well. He seems to have the evening hours confused with the madrugada ( or the early morning hours). If I was sleeping I wouldn't mind but when I am awake...I talk to him and let him know that will not be acceptable post womb (as if he cares).

My little Jelly bean...can't wait to see him...I already know he's going to drive me crazy and yet make me love him to pieces all at the same time.

Today I start my 6 wk birthing classes...should be fun.

Mommy Dilemma

I hate to complain, but today for some reason, I feel extra exhausted.

I have been at work all day and still have not accomplished all the things I need to get done. And now I have to go home and do house stuff...Sigh...
I love my little jelly bean but somedays it just feels like he is zapping all my energy.
The next two months are going to be so hectic I am dreding them. I have training half of next week out of the office, but on top of that I have two major deadlines on special projects, plus my day to day activities.

I was poking around the blogshere today and saw different people blogging about the age old debate of whether to be a stay at home mom or working mom, not that SAHM aren't working. Anyway, somedays, I want to be SAHM, in fact many days I want to be one, but I am worried as these woman stated I would lose my idenitiy, not that work should make me who I am but there is something about working that gives a women power. I don't know...lately I have been considering staying home with the bean for at least a year or working part time so I can see him grow up and all the joys and yet stresses that come with one income and limited people interaction. I am torn on the matter but the blogs I read today really gave some insight so I thank all the mothers who shared their experience.

I am still on the face about the whole matter...but today I think it would be a lot easier if I was at home then sitting at my desk trying to manipulate this massive spreadsheet.

knowledge is power or is it

I was talking to my girlfriend the other night as I walked.
And she was letting me know how glad she was that I was over the shock of being preggers so fast. She said she figured I would ignore or be in denial until there was no way I could ignore the growth in my belly. Of course I laughed because sometime I honestly forget I am pregnant, I feel normal just chubby, Jelly has been kind to mommy being unexpected and all he/she has given me very little problems.
And of course seeing one's baby 2 different times in an ultrasounds makes it hard to ignore or deny. So I have embraced my Jelly bean, though we argue about what she/he has done to the body mommy worked so hard to maintain...I know it's not the beans fault and more mine for giving into every craving that has arisen.

Anyway, our conversation moved to whether or not I should find out the sex.

To be quite honest, I am torn. I love surprises, for the most part, and think it would be awesome to just wait and see what I am having when I push it out. On the other hand not knowing makes planning for a baby and decorating a little harder. I told hubby I will let the ultrasound tech tell him the sex if he can keep it a secret, and then He can tell whomever is planning the baby shower and then they can all tell me then. But my girlfriend brought out a good point that people will give away the sex in conversation...Like have you felt him kick yet? Is she giving you any problems? And really I think I want the surprise. My mother is already predicting a girl and Hubby tells us all not to call his son a girl, because we don't want to confuse him.

The other issue, I really only have a girl's name worked out. Hubby and I can't seem to agree on a decent boy name.

In this day and age does anyone wait to find out the sex?